You Listen to Others- Why not Yourself?

I have had plenty of time to think about this, and I have yet to come up with a really good answer. Saying that somehow fate has been beckoning me in the wrong direction seems like an attractive re-direct. While I recall there was a great deal of ultimate disappointment in my life. As if all my accomplishments were short lived. 

I guess this sense of both limitless time and then, not so many years later- a sense of limited time. I suppose the idea of spending so much time focusing on my own belongings and how to lighten up, is on the flip side of digging in, on disadvantageous situation t make it even worse. 

Stephen C. Sanders

Feb 3, 2022

Getting Caught Up in the Details

Seems to me that the onslaught of what's going on in the world is simply never going to calm down. 

It seems like we are going to have to resume the plan to live our lives now. I don't know the reason why when I am moved to write that I had to travel into a new depth in a kind of hell of my own personal making. 

Am I seeking redemption?  

Am I now ready to start really living my own life.

Rather than live the way others are expecting me to.

I look at things from every angle, the incorrect assumption is that 

there is a right thing to do. There are correct choices to make. There are decisions

and turns that maybe should have been taken, or maybe not.

What keeps you up in the middle of the night when you consider what you have done

and you have yet to do. Where did the time go? When will I travel to France, like I always thought I'd do someday. 

Damn it, my inner voice is screaming to make itself know.

Heading down a path which ends up in numbness, a retired person's paradise. 

Yet I never really took my shot. 

I settled for where the wind had blown me.

I feel like once again I have to hide my true light.

If I can't do; the things I want to do, in real time, meaning now or soon, then

what has my life become?

There are so many sad stories, that I can now all express by sharing right here, right now.

I have given my self much to consider, and need to establish a forward moving plan. 

It's part of who I am that I do need to keep moving forward, otherwise I feel as if I am falling hopelessly

behind. 

It's time to create something I can point to, and proudly say, I did that.

Accomplishing some small or large completely would be a source of joy.

Stephen C. Sanders

Feb 2, 2022 5:50pm EST